If I Ever Get a Pet Elephant I Will Name Him Frank Jr. so Everyone Will Think I've had One Before.

Lies.

My name is Brooke, and I am a pathological liar.

Why do we lie? Social acceptance? Personal gain? Some other psychotic need?

Think back, I know it's not just me. How many times did you lie this week? I am not talking about huge, intricate lies, just the small, social lies that we throw around like they're nothing.

I do believe that there is a time and place for certain lies. If your significant other asks you if they look fat, you darn well better tell them no, even if their clothes are screaming and stretching in pain. I think I have taken this too far though. When are you hindering a person by telling them they look good? Is it fair to that person, or the rest of society, if I let them embarrass themselves in public by wearing that horrendous outfit I just told them "looks great"? Just something to think about.

My biggest social lies occur when I first meet someone, and especially if I have an interest in them. A conversation will often occur in the following way:

Person of Interest: I love baseball.

Me: Me too!

What the... No, I don't. In fact, I hate baseball. It is painful for me to watch and the only reason I stayed at the only game I have ever attended was because I convinced my little brother to dance on top of the dugout. (A story for another time that ended with a crying 10 year old and a sharp gasp from the entire stadium.)

These lies go in the other direction as well. If there is someone I don't like, I will almost always disagree with whatever they say regardless of my true feelings. A conversation with such a person might go like this:

Disliked Person: I love the color red.

Me: I don't. Red is probably my least favorite color.

Disliked Person: You have a red shirt on right now.

Me: I hate this shirt. I don't even know why I wore it.

In reality, this is my favorite shirt and my room is decorated in red and black.

I don't sit back and think about these lies....that's another lie, sometimes I do. For the most part though, they are an automatic reaction to what people say. If I like them, I want them to accept me, so I agree with whatever they say. If I dislike them, I want to make sure I have nothing in common with them, so I reject everything they say.

These lies are so automatic that they can become hard to keep track of. If that same person came and asked me about baseball later, I would probably have no idea what they were talking about.

Let's quit lying to ourselves and recognize the honest truth:

None of us have a good enough memory to be a great liar. (Although I am a good one.)