Blurgh.
As some of you may know, I recently moved into a new place in Orem. This Sunday I was trying to figure out which ward I should be attending and I decided to do a Google search. I searched “Which YSA ward should I attend?” (I always like to ask Google formal questions so that when it becomes self-aware it will know how much I respect it and spare me.) My first search result led me to an “LDS” man’s blog about YSA (Young Single Adult) ward hopping. I was intrigued and ended up staying up late reading his essay and considering what he had posted. After confirming in my mind that the man was an idiot of the grossest kind, I decided to write a response.
For those that are interested, the website mentioned is: singleswardhopper.com (please check gag reflex and consider stomach contents before entering site) I recommend reading his entry before my response. Otherwise, I just sound like a lunatic.
Here is my response:
Dear Ward Hopper,
I can’t tell you how refreshing it was to read your observations about Mormon Singles Wards. You said a lot of the things that people think, but have far too much tact and common decency to actually say. After reading through your essay several times, I still cannot begin to imagine why you remain single. A man such as yourself with a great job, multiple cars, a share in a plane and a narcissistic/chauvinistic personality is such a rare find. What a delight you must be.
I also attend a singles ward and must admit to hating it. However, if you would be so kind as to give me the location and meeting time of the ward that did a reenactment of “Music of the Night” from Phantom of the Opera, I think my opinion of singles wards would be greatly improved.
Regarding the section, “What’s Wrong with Girls in Singles Wards?” I think your observations should most absolutely be printed in the Young Women’s Manual. Forget about the fact that 75 percent of women already suffer from disordered eating. We need to make it clear that the only way those girls can be valuable is if they fit the mold. You know what? We also need to forget about the fact that 46.8% of the American workforce is comprised of women. So what if the economy collapses because all of the women have quit their jobs in order to lose weight? Economic stability is a small price to pay for a smaller dress size.
I am so sorry about the topics of discussion on your dates. How dare these women be so presumptuous as to bother you with their “thoughts” and “feelings”? I also can’t believe these women are buying into ridiculous things like horoscopes and astrology. In fact, if it were up to me, fortune cookies would be banned. They are full of evil lies and mysticism.
You mentioned that men are okay being overweight as well as “generally losers” as long as they are trying to change. I completely agree. I can also see that you are trying to change since you are admittedly sitting around drinking Coke and watching FOX News. You know, it’s my opinion that nothing is better for building character and bettering yourself than watching Glenn Beck.
I’m sorry to say that LDS members only make up 14 million of the approximately 6.5 billion people worldwide. Among them, about half are men and 63.1% are considered obese. I would do the math to figure out the percentage of available women left for you, but I’m just a girl and I just breathed in a large gust of air and should probably get on a treadmill to burn it off.
Thank you so much for ward hopping. We need to make sure that you don’t spend too much time in one place. Your gifts and piercing eyes ought to be shared with everyone.
Best wishes,
Brooke
I hope he speaks sarcasm…
Well, I haven’t actually sent this to him yet, but I am considering it. My only worry is that this man may be incredibly emotionally unstable (Okay, no one can read that and honestly think he doesn’t have a few loose screws.) So, I’m going to ask for something that I never have before...Sound off!
Let me know what you think. After reading his essay, do you think I should send the above response? Am I being too harsh? Are you considering writing him now too? Let me know!
“Withhold admiration from a narcissist and be disliked. Give it and be treated with indifference.”
19 comments:
Send it! People like that need to be edumacated :) Love it Brooke, as always, so insightful! And hilarious.
-Kim
Its obvious he has issues...He seems to be a very unhappy man.
I think your response was funny and true - but I wouldn't send it...no good would come.
send it. that guy is a dick.
send it. send it. send it!
At the end of his essay it almost sounded like a joke...he sounded that desperate, but it's no wonder when coke, fox news, and motorcycle rides are your life. He also sues people all the time...what an asshole...I can't believe how high on himself he seems to be. If he doesn't want to change he needs to fly to a third world country and have someone marry him for his money, because he surely wouldn't be able to find anyone willing to take him with such oozing charm. I feel bad for him...he really needs to reinvent himself. He is not ready to be married at all. Good Job Brooke, you send him your letter.
Wow! Great post...I read through the guys website and have to say he is insane!
Here is a direct quote from his site,
"I am so sick of whiners who attack the Church year in and year out, including gays, Jews, apostatized members, inbred evangelical "Christians," liberals, my educated friends, and the like. I once wondered out-loud on a talk radio program whether the Mountain Meadows Massacre was justified."
WOW! The guy has little to no tact at all.
I am not LDS, but grew up in a community where many of my friends were/are LDS. I happened upon your blog because one of those friends posted his writing last week, and yours today.
Thank you. I wanted to jump through the computer and bang his head against the keyboard a few times in hopes that his male chauvinistic thoughts might miraculously fall out and his keyboard might break...problem solved.
I think you make some very intelligent points and that most people would agree with you...and that you should enlighten him :)
The singles wards in Manhattan are totally not like what he describes. There are some cliques, but they're not as prevalent as they supposedly are out west.
The man is obviously struggling on many levels. He is severely incorrect and hypocritical in many of his opinions, but a witty, sarcastic rebuke is not likely to change him. Yeah, he needs brutal honesty, but coupled with more Christ-like love.
Brooke, you are special to care enough about what this man has printed that you want to defend the singles wards and share your thoughts and factually correct his thinking.
I am in agreement with Bryce and James. The guy has issues on many levels. But by responding to his essay what expectations do you have? If he "see's the light", will you feel justified. If he "jumps off a bridge" mentally or physically, can you hold your head up? You have many good points to his observations. But in reality. I have met many people both male and female who think this way. And why do they think this way? My first reaction is entitlement and selfishness. Once they are trapped in their thinking. They find it impossible to change. And do they want to change?
I hope that someday, he will write of the plus's in a single's ward. He obviously has had plenty of experience.
Please handle with love. We are all God's children, no matter which direction our thoughts take us.
Send.It.
Sometimes comments like yours getting people thinking, and sometimes they don't. Most people aren't willing to change. But there is no hurt in trying. There is no point in cowering from a jerk like that.
For the record, I am reading and carefully considering all of your comments. I have not sent it yet...
It's obvious...that guy isn't a lawyer and is addicted to porn. The only reason he ward hops so much is he is obese and bald and every attractive girl without a muffin top refuses to pay him mind...yeah, girls have standards too. Guys can only get fat AFTER they get married.
I think your response falls short. It isn't quite as pointed as it could be. For instance, we all know he is either a dueche or a hermaphrodite. He is faithful but doesn't pay tithing or have a temple recommend. He doesn't follow protocol which says to go to the ward you are assigned.
Really, kissing girls from pity? There's no way I would put my lips on a girl's lips out of pity. Self degradation.
Stand back, read your response out loud, strengthen your attack, and lay it on him.
Brooke, Bryce just showed me this, and it seriously made my month, quite possibly year. You're hilarious. Thank you.
The guy obviously wrote this hoping to get a response from the people who reads it. If he is, in fact, a lawyer, he is smart and educated enough to know that there are going to be a lot of people angry about this "essay". If he is stupid enough to offend the majority of people who attend singles wards, he should be prepared for the responses he is going to get.
He is just trying to get a rise out of people, and it worked! He's a jerk and it's no wonder he's still single! Send it! He needs a reality check!
I dont know you, but I am a friend of Rachel Clarks. I loved your response and most definitely would send it.
I dont know you, but Im a friend of Rachel Clarks, and saw this on her blog. I definitely would send the letter, that way at least someone has spoken out against him.
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