Gasconade.
Yeah, I found that word with a synonym finder (also known as a thesaurus--which, contrary to popular belief, is NOT a type of dinosaur). To "gasconade" is basically to boast; which is what I'm here to talk to you about ladies and gentlemen.
I've been gasconading (who cares if that's a word) my butt off lately. I'm in the middle of applying to graduate school and all any school wants to hear about is why I'm so much better than everyone else. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy talking about my accomplishments as much as the next person, (feel free to ask me about the time I drove all the way to Canada without a bathroom break) but it just feels awkward to list them all in a row while attempting to sell myself like a product.
Furthermore, I just can't quite decide what information is helpful and relevant to their decision-making process. Should I tell them that I recently discovered (just today, in fact) that wearing a Snuggie backwards is a very fashion-forward decision? Fleece cape anyone? Should I tell them that I have never been sexually harassed during my college career (yeah guys... I'm still insulted by that.)? Should I tell them that I have been told (by myself) that I could be the next Kelly Clarkson if only I could sing like Kelly Clarkson?
Here's the problem. I don't know what kinds of people are on the selection committee. A die-hard liberal might read my application and think my disregard of the normal Snuggie standards is admirable. On the other hand, a crazy conservative might fear a Snuggie revolution on campus. I just don't know who I'm addressing.
I don't really have a point here and this is my shortest post yet, but I'm thinking of erasing everything I have written in the personal statement section of my application thus far and just writing:
I'M PROBABLY THE BEST THING EVER.
Amen. (I would only put "Amen" on my application to BYU)
